(Felicity days before her passing)By now, most of you have probably heard that my daughter Felicity has passed away. She died Thursday morning, March 26, 2009. She was only 4 months old, our only daughter and full of love and joy. I awoke that Thursday morning to my brother calling to tell me he and his wife had had their 4th girl and 5th child that morning. I missed the first call which woke me up; but since they know me, they called back and I answered the second call. When I had hung up the phone with Him I glanced at the clock and realized that it was 10am already and wondered that Felicity hadn't woken me up at 8am as usual. I got up to check her, and as I entered her room I waited for the blankets to move in her excitement to see me first thing in the morning. They didn't and my heart paused for a moment as I walked to her crib. There followed the worst morning of my life.
As the days have turned to weeks I have felt a peace unlike any other I have ever felt. My heart has broken and re-broken many times and especially every morning for the first few moments of each day as I remember and relive that morning.
However, I am so blessed. I am so grateful for Easter. As I sat in sacrament meeting on Easter morning and listened to the testimonies of the glorious Easter morning of our Savior rising again, my heart was once again broken, yet this time in humility and gratitude. I realized with strength given of the spirit that my mornings didn't have to be full of heartache. That because of Easter morning, my mornings can be filled with hope for the future and an eternal love and gratitude for the Savior. Easter has meant so much more to me this year. I have always had a knowledge and appreciation for this doctrine, yet now I look forward with such tender feelings and such a perfect hope that my Savior has truly given me the greatest gift more precious than I have words to express. I am eternally grateful.
I thank the Father for this perfect plan. And I am so very thankful that Anthony and I were sealed in the temple almost 9 years ago so that we are comforted in the perfect peace and knowledge that we are an eternal family. I love the Lord and am so grateful for his goodness, I will strive my whole life to be his servant and give whatever tiny thanks to him that I can. I pray to be his hands, and his heart for he has promised to give mine back to me. I'm so thankful. I love the Lord.
I hope you all had a wonderful Easter.
5 comments:
Pam, you have experienced first hand my worst fear. You are such a strong person. I know you miss your beautiful daughter more than anything. What an amazing thing it is to have the knowledge that we have and to be able to feel the Spirit comforting us and reassuring us that we WILL be together again. You are an amazing woman. I pray for you daily that you will continue to be comforted.
I am amazed at the strength you have been given. Your words strengthen others, like me. You are an amazing person. Thank you.
Oh PJ! You are a rock and always have been. It is times like these that test our strength and you are the rock of all rocks! I love you and think about you everyday! Thank you for uplifting me in this hard time for you!
Oh Pam! I just bawled. You are so strong! I know there are probably days when you you don't feel so strong, but you are. You are an example to all of us around you watching you, thinking to ourselves, "would I be able to handle it as well as she is?" I love that you have a new perspective on Easter and the resurrection. I haven't had much experience with death, so you two have made the promise of resurrection more real and special for me too. Thank you. I know that Felicity doesn't want you to be sad and hurt so much. I think you are doing so well with continuing to live and grow and not allow yourself to give up and become depressed. That's not easy to do. Good job! You are loved by so many and I am honored to be one of them. Kandi
dear pam,
i'm sitting here in tears. i hate that i'm sitting at my computer reading your touching story and i haven't seen you in so many years. i wish i were able to express how sweet your words are. i feel for you. and i pray for you and your family continually.
love,
anna
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